Saturday, January 20, 2007

Winter in Minnesota...

60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.

50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.

40 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.

32 above zero:
Distilled water freezes.
The water in Bemidji gets thicker.

20 above zero:
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.

10 below zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico
People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.

40 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.

100 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Minnesotans get upset because they can't start the Mini-Van.

460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Minnesota start saying..."Cold 'nuff fer ya?"

500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.


Blogger justfranks said...

That was hilarious, I needed a good laugh after our Winter Storms here in Oklahoma.

6:17 PM  
Blogger bradandgeo said...


12:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you forgot:

70 above 0:
Minnesotans start whining about heat and continue to pretend to be "nice" to everyone. They are angy with their neighbor for using too much fertilizer on their lawns, but since they are all passive-aggressive, they put an anonymous 'letter to the editor' in the local newspaper comaplining about their neighbor. "Minnesota Nice," what a bunch of malarkey

6:15 PM  
Anonymous Steve said...

Thanks for the laugh!

8:32 PM  
Blogger J&T said...

well, i am from michigan - so i can relate...although sometimes i think minnesota really does get the short end of the stick with the weather.

very funny list.

7:14 AM  
Blogger bjk said...


8:52 AM  
Blogger James said...

people from northern ontario think minnesota is a tropical paradise!!

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tony Jones from Colonial,

I am still waiting to have that long awaited conversation about the convergence of postmodernity and inner-city culture...

You game?

-Chris Brooks

3:50 PM  
Blogger P.M. said...

Thanks for that Tony, I went to school at North Central Univ in downtown Minneappolis and that brought back a pile of great memories of the winters there. like my friend shutting his trunk and his rear window shattering in -40 degree weather. Great times. God Bless Mark

8:37 PM  
Blogger Incoming... said...

nice to see someone can identify with the Canadian ethos as well
very funny

10:27 PM  
Anonymous Stan the Man said...

you also forgot:

80 above 0:
Minnesotans get together and start talking about how great Minnesota is. All the transplanted Minnesotans living in other states get together and form "Minnesota Clubs" so they can get together and pretend to like lutefisk and talk about how great it is to be from Minnesota. And then all the Minnesotans bash Garrison Keilor for being a phoney profiting off the dull Minnesotan culture. And then all the Minnesotans realize that their weather is just typical canadian summer, but they are then relieved when they realize that they have both better weather and health-care than Canada. Whew!

-Stan the Man

12:34 AM  
Blogger Rick said...

Floridians don the wool a long time before it gets to 20 degrees.

1:37 PM  
Blogger Rick said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

1:37 PM  
Anonymous Marty Solonen said...

Canadian health care is a joke. And their beer sucks too. Oh well, at least they still do well on the frozen pond, eh?

9:49 PM  
Blogger aaron said...

well done, tony.

5:27 AM  
Anonymous Drive-Thru Society said...

It is so true! Damn I miss Texas.

9:11 AM  
Anonymous Patrick said...

I couldn't agree more: Canadian health-care, and beer (although I like a good Labatt from time to time) is no good.

4:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ya i'm from minnesota and in '96 me thinks I was changing the spark plugs on the buick in 60 below weather not counting the wind. that was cold.

10:37 PM  

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